8 most important questions to ask your ex after a breakup

When your relationship ends, you’re probably eager to skip the grieving process and just move on with your life and forget this ever happened.

Obviously that’s not possible, and deep down you know it’s not what you really want.

However, in order to truly process and heal what you’ve been through, here are some questions to ask your ex after your breakup to help you get closure.

1. When was the relationship over in your head?
You probably know the exact moment when you knew without a shadow of a doubt that your relationship wasn’t going to last, but that may have been an entirely different moment for your ex. Knowing when he got to that critical stage will help you realize some things you may have missed and give you a little insight into his thought process prior to your breakup.

2. What do you think went wrong?
There may be something entirely obvious behind your breakup — someone cheated, someone’s moving away for work and the other doesn’t want to go, etc. — but most relationships end for a bunch of small reasons rather than one big one. Asking your ex what he thought contributed to the downfall will definitely help you get closure on the experience.

3. Do you think we should go no contact?
Regardless of his answer, if you feel like you need to go no contact with your ex in order to heal, go ahead and do it. However, this question can be helpful when you’re cool either way but you want to be respectful towards your ex and how he’s feeling. Try to prepare yourself for the answer you don’t want to hear here, and of course respect him if he says yes.

4. Did you ever cheat on me?
This is a pretty loaded question and one that you should only ask your ex if it was an unproven gut feeling you had and you don’t feel like you can get closure without knowing the answer. Of course, if your intuition is screaming that he was unfaithful, the chances are pretty high that he probably was. You should also remember that he may not want to be honest about this even after you’re no longer together.

5. Do you think we were different people than when we got together?
This is more of an introspective question than one that really has any bearings on what happened between you. However, it can help you achieve closure by reflecting on who you and your ex were when you got together and how being together changed you in good and bad ways.

6. Do you regret being in a relationship with me?
Hopefully the answer here is no. If you can stand firm in the belief that you were a good partner who always tried to do right by your ex, then it certainly should be. However, if you know you messed up and need to know just how badly, ask this question if you dare.

7. Will you be okay with me dating other people?
Whether he is or not isn’t your problem, but it does show some courtesy and respect to at least ask your ex how he’ll feel. If he’s already moved on or plans to soon, he probably won’t care. If he does have a tough time with it, this may warrant a larger discussion, but it definitely shouldn’t change your behavior moving forward.

8. Can we still be friends?
If you want to be, that is. It might not happen for a while, but if it’s meant to be, this is the ultimate form of closure.